remoteorvote's Xanga

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:58:12 GMT

well, im getting sick again.

earlier i thought it was just allergies, but seeing as i am now running a fairly high fever and my whole body hurts..
well i dont think thats allergies.

but the real task at hand, besides preventing yet another "attack of the fever blisters!", i am preparing for tonights bible study.
Lauren mentioned to me that we're kind of doing the names of God and that if i needed an idea i could just stick to that. I didnt know we were doing that, but it helps a lot having some direction. Last week Lauren talked about Jehovah Jireh, meaning "My Provider", which then spurred on the group singing of part of the song "Jehovah Jireh". Good times. Although they could've been better if one of us had a tambourine. Tonight, i'm talking about El Shaddai which means.. well it means a lot of things. Some speculate that it could mean "to over power", "to treat with violence", "devastator", or "destroyer" and those don't make sense at all. God has destroyed and He will continue destroy things that he is created because of their corruption, but El Shaddai definitely does not mean that God treats all things with violence and devastation. Every other name for God repels that image. Isaiah is full of stories of God wrath, but God's love is behind it all. Another meaning of El Shaddai is "God of the mountain", which i think translates into God above all. He is God of the earth and sea and everything else that exists. Ever hear the phrase "I feel like im at the top of the world"? I think El Shaddai represents that God protects because he is ON TOP. There is no one like him and the top of God's mountain is a place that no one can reach by themselves. But we've still got to keeping climbing.
Another thing.
God deserves everyone's praise. God deserves everyone's lives! God's name is so powerful, yet we forget how powerful it is. When we think of our names, we think of our entire self. When someone hears your name, they remember certain qualities that you have, and probably remember whether they like you or.. whether they dont. This is why God's name is so important. It's a part of His glory.. Yes, his name! As are our's. When you are praised for something you've done would you rather hear "Hey you, nice job." or "Hey Brooklyn, nice job." It just sounds right. Its YOU there are talking about not just any ole "you".
A verse in Isaiah says, "For my own name's sake i delay my wrath, for the sake of my praise i hold it back from you, so as not to cut you off. I have refined you though not as silver. I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, i do this. How can i let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another."
He ever repeats Himself..."for my own sake..." He is not a conceited God. He just has to keep reminding us how great and powerful and all-deserving He is.. because we just simply forget.

That's all for now, my fever and what not are getting the best of me. I should probably lay down for a wee bit before bible study.

NEED NEED NEED WANT WANT.

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 09:14:48 GMT

yesss...

i need a lot lately.
but its more like a want kind of need.
just so you know.

i should probably go to bed now, actually.
instead of saying what i thought i was going to say.
i thought it was still today and, turns out it's already tomorrow.

i got a strange call today.
and i saw a strange movie.
and the back of my neck feels strange right now.

i hope i have relatively normal dreams. those are so amazing. a dream where you do nothing.
yet its still memorable.

alright, goodnight.

fake palindromes

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 22:40:13 GMT

good song by andrew bird.

okay, todays list.

1. i dont like it when supposed best friends talk about each other to me. one leaves, one will gossip. then they leave, the other comes, and talks about the people who just left. some friendship.
2. i love the way riverside feels today.
3. i drank way too much french berry lemonade yesterday and i ended up having some pretty interesting dreams, the likes of which i will not share with you right now.
4. i tend to keep things that i dont need to keep. I know i will never use them, but i cant bring myself to get rid of them.
5. i wish i could run down, get in my very own car, and drive wherever the heck i want to drive. today i would probably drive to CVS and buy some milk and then go to target and buy some of those awesome pretzel balls covered in milk chocolate and a set of forks and then i might just head over to walmart and buy some polaroids. then i would go to best buy and get one of those memory card readers and finally, i would go to mcdonalds and get chicken mcnugg's and french fries. mmmm, so close yet so far away.
6. i am in such a procrastinating mood.
7. live your life until love is found, or loves gonna get you down.
8. i feel like playing in the rain on some giant slip n slide. and then probably.. getting sick.
9. i'm having an extremely good hair day, but i cant go outside and show the world. the world is indoors today.
10. im really fond of Panera and am sad that i havent been able to enjoy it thus far in life. who knows how cool of a person i would be if i had known about its amazingness sooner. i am also fond of the keyboard i happen to be typing on right now. and to end this parade of fondness, i am entire too fond of John Krasinski sometimes.
11. i wish my bed weren't so small and i wish i could have a million pillows on it.

well, so much for a list. more like random trains of thought.

"If I were a male...

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 07:42:45 GMT

I would be in male chorale. If I were a woman... I wouldnt."
-me.

So here. I'm updating this bloggyblOg. Take it. Its fresh.

Tonight, the night after the day of my grandmother's 66th birthday, I made her quite the glorious gift.
It was originally a little wooden chest, and now!
its a colorful wooden chest with her name on it in pearls. oh ya gotta see it.
I'll upload a picture.. later...
(right.)

well, courtney watson.
this is for you.

yo yo yo what what!
my name is b.r. killin'
i aint like no other villian
everytime i drink my milk
my milk starts a'spillin'.
i aint got knobby knees
and neither do you
i wish i had a fro
or maybe hair like you
courtney, twiddle your thumbs
until we eat lunch together
then we laugh all the way
(oh no, theres heather!)
we stop at Ah'So
and see nothin we like
then we we get bombarded by hot guys
all of them named mike.
we're like let just eat out side
and maybe then go for a ride
in your little beaner car
and stop in to star--
bucks! (pause, pause, pause)
which is where your bff
steffanie, works her fingers to the bone
you both got each other
at least you're not alone! :o
heidi klum says we're out
and we say, "you're dead!"
its always in and out and in and out...

thats what she said.

IM OUT Y'ALL.
IM OUT.
PEACE.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 20:41:21 GMT

HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO PASS MATH????

i really wish i knew the answer to this question.
no, i know the answer. if the question said "how the heck do people pass math?"
well, then of course the answer would be "do your homework, study hard, possibly join a math study group, and meet with your teacher when you dont understand the homework."

to that load of b.s. i say WHATEVER.
because while it works for most people, there are some of us who still dont understand it.
i absolutely loathe math with every particle of me.
especially math115. Algebra 2 to be exact. I dont think i am going to pass.
thats the sad sad truth of it all.

and right now im going to sit here, and study. math. and pray hard.
and then i will get back to you when it is all said and done and let you know if i feel any smarter...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 02:51:12 GMT

here i am again.

i dont really know what keeps me from here for so long, its there, i know it is.
but i cant describe it.
its like, well if i write down what im actually feeling right now then it becomes more real.

i guess i want to be more real.
i want to be the realest i can be without.. exploding.

i have a moleskine now.
i've joined the moleskine club, among other esteemed names such as Ernest Hemmingway and Vincent Van Gogh.
although when they were using one, it wasnt even a club.
well, actually there really isnt a club now. i guess i've just noticed that artists and people like.. me.. use them alot. hahah, that sentence was strange, i apologize. So far, everytime i've written in it, i've felt nervous and comfortable at the same time. Now explain that to me. First of all, why on earth would i feel nervous writting a black notebook with a black pen on off-white graph paper? I have no idea. Secondly, why is that my mind insists that i feel confort come from a strange place inside me that i didnt even know i had? This all sounds to deep for me and i want to stop talking about it. All i can say now is that i really just want to be in the middle of all the pages already. It's like, look how far i've come and I've still got plenty more to go.
I tend to look back in my notebooks alot. i wouldnt say its to wish i were back there.. not alot of the time anyway. Its more, hey look what you went through. learn from it.

I've finally really OFFICALLY started Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. Finally. I started in the summer.. or sometime back in may. and i read maybe a page here, a page there. Nothing ever resinated in my head, therefore making me just want to start all over. again and again. Which did me no good at all, since everyone around me said it was one of the best books they had ever read. So since i finished one book a couple days ago (finally, once again) i have moved on to this one. and i have to be honest, its still really hard to concentrate, buckle down, and just read it like any other book. maybe this whole college this is just making me more stupid...

I just finished the Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, and handed it off to Liz, a girl that lives down the hall from me. I hope she enjoys it as much as i did, it was brilliant. In a not so brilliant way. Hard to explain. just read it.

so right now, i should probably either a) do my math homework which isnt really due any time soon... b) lay down and read my book for a little while and go to sleep c) eat something since i had a really early dinner and am now very hungry d)all of the above but not in that order.

im very sleepy right now.
im in that weird warm state where all your head wants to do is rest itself on a pillow but your body doesnt wanna move to get in bed and your brain is telling you that you cant and that you have a lot to do.
just a side note.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 22:29:27 GMT

"MAKE IT WORK!"

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 04:23:27 GMT

holy moley.
yes.

anyone that sees this, attention.
read this book now.
get your hands on it and read it, and take your time reading it.
soak it up.

while i was reading this, i was keeping kind of a journal thing and today i decided to pick it up and re-read a few things. I like to refresh myself of where I've been and how far i've come.. and how i got here.
i saw this in there.

"i wish i lived in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
i wish i knew Rob Bell
and i wish we could hang out and talk about everything while we played a heated game of chess."

yeah!

okay, well i have friends here and we are planning to have a photoshoot right about now.
and i am one of the photographers, so i better get on it.
we're very professional, with a sheet pinned to the wall and everything.
haha

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 07:57:33 GMT

its like i dont even know what to say anymore.

because i have so much to say.

all my memories flood back to me from time to time in a series of photographs and short films.
is that weird?

it's like everything thats ever happened to me is showing its face again, and quickly, because so much is heading towards me like a tidal wave...
like who i've always been might be washed away.
i cant lose who i am.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 09:32:44 GMT

A few days ago, I invested in a brand spankin new Polaroid camera.
I have a really old one that never ever worked, but I just like the look of it. Hahah, I know, im a weird kid.
The new one isnt as cool looking, but it still gets the job done. I love the way the polaroid film is looking. Although I do have to say that it is way too expensive costing as much as $30 per 20 polaroids. I dont have that kind of cash, so I guess anyone who wants their picture taken is gonna have to give me about $1.50 so I can at least break even and go buy another package.

Youth group tonight was really... wet.
We played a version of capture the flag, even though I've got to admit, it was nothing like it really. We had to run across the game circle and put out the other teams candle with water balloons or water guns before they put ours out and before all of us got tagged. Even though we had really lame water balloons that wouldn't pop against a wall of nails, im sure, it happened to be a pretty intense game. I got put on Team Ninja.

Okay, I have to say, I really didn't want to be on that team, all my friends were on the other one, all the "cool kids" I guess, which was running through my head. Like, "I deserve to be over there! I deserve to be on Team Pirate!" And I was actually pretty sad for a little while, being pretty much shallow. But then I came to the sad realization that I was not being very "cool" by acting that way whether it was noticable or not, and I thought to myself, everyone here IS cool. How could I think such things about my fellow Ninjas? Hahah, so I said to myself, even if we probably are gonna lose, I am going to make this fun! So we did a whole team cheer, getting everyone excited and everything! And guess what.. we WON.

Hahahaha, man, God likes to really use His sense of humor on me at the most peculiar of times.

So tomorrow, I am having a few people over to my house for a random anime video-watching night starring: Inuyasha and various Final Fantasy/ Kingdom Hearts characters.
hahaha, oh Michael Porter and his ideas.
All this after I go shopping with my Aunt for a late birthday present. Hahah, we can never find time for each other and this just somehow always happens every year since I've been old enough to dress myself. So I'm really excited we get to go out and about tomorrow, and she can see this infamous piercing of mine that news of has travelled quite far and wide by this point.

Well, my iPod is charged and ready to lull me to sleep.
I rather like having these late night/early morning times to myself, for those of you who were wondering why I am alllways up in the wee hours.
I feel so much more awake than I do in the day, strangely. I have all my thoughts to myself. Like God asks us to Be Still.
This is the time I am actually able to do that, it really helps me survive.